Forgiveness
by H. S. Hines
Summary: InuYasha has finally gone too far. Is there anyone left to forgive him? Will it even matter? Oneshot, complete, YAOI, tragedy.


_Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha and I make no money. I'm very sorry to Sesshomaru-sama and Inu-kun for this story…_

Genre: Tragedy  
Rating: R  
Code: Inucest  
Feedback: Anything but flames are welcome.

**Forgiveness**

A branch snagged in his hair as he pushed through the forest, each footfall an accusation against himself about things he could have prevented. He could hear her screaming and knew he couldn't stop it, felt the blood on his hands as he tore through her body. They were all dead and it was too late to do anything about it. So he stopped running and just let one foot fall in front of the other, slowly going forward, not wanting this to be; not wanting to step out of the forest and see…

"What have I done?" InuYasha whispered. His voice barely carried past his own ears, lost in the blood on his hands. "Kagome…" he gasped, touching what was left of her. His fingers left bloody smudges on her cheek and he drew back, standing and stepping away, a high-pitched sound starting in his ears. He didn't make it far, though, before he tripped over Miroku's body. He fell to the ground, his eyes locking on the indigo pair, forever trapped in a look of fear and condemnation.

Miroku had screamed his name before he died and the memory of it echoed through InuYasha's mind, painfully. It was drowned out by the sound in his ears as it grew louder, almost unbearable and he realized that someone was screaming. He looked around; trying to find whom the voice belonged to, hoping that he had left _some_one alive, but everywhere he looked, there was blood and death. It was all over him—his claws, his clothes, and his hair—everything. He crawled to his feet, trying to run from Miroku's empty stare and stepped in something soft and warm. He looked down in slow horror to find himself standing in part of what had once been Shippo…

That's when he found the source of the mindless screaming. His own throat. He wasn't certain how long he had been there, screaming in anguish and he couldn't seem to stop. He choked air, falling to his knees, staring at the gore on his hands. Hatred and self-loathing consumed him and he fell forward, landing broken on hands and knees.

"I killed them all," he gasped, and then repeated himself over and over, his mind unable to move forward and his heart slipping away. A blow landed against the back of his head, but it seemed insignificant in the wake of the pain already coursing through him. He spun around, hoping to see his friends standing alive again, at least _one_ of them, so that he or she could end his miserable existence. But he only met a pair of eyes that matched his own.

He watched Sesshomaru gaze around the field, his eyes betraying nothing. Whether he was happy, disgusted or apathetic, InuYasha was unable to determine. Finally, he realized something was digging into his hand and he lifted it, finding one of the teeth from the kotodama rosary imbedded in his palm. It had broken when Kagome tried to save Shippo's life by subduing him. Sango's blood was already on his hands then—she had been the first to fall.

His eyes followed his brother as he walked to the taijiya's body. InuYasha flashed back to the sight of her face, looking at him with confusion as he flew at her, no fear in her eyes. They had widened when he impacted, fixing on him for a moment before rolling back into her head. She hadn't had a chance to defend herself. Sesshomaru stood there, staring down for a minute, then knelt by her, cupping her face in his hand and turning it from side to side.

"Don't…" InuYasha whispered hoarsely. Sesshomaru's head shot up and his gaze locked on his little brother's.

"Come here." Sesshomaru's command was given with the same emotionless face, no tone beyond that of a superior commanding his inferior. InuYasha rose to his feet, wondering why he was obeying him. Still, his confusion and filial hatred were unable to triumph over his horrified curiosity. So he set one foot carefully in front of the other and pushed himself forward, feeling as if he were walking against a river current.

Sango's eyes opened.

InuYasha had no trouble filling the distance between them then. He was at her side, on his knees, her body in his arms only a moment later. She looked up at him and there was no condemnation in her eyes, no hatred. He could hear the liquid burbling in her chest, drowning her in the blood he had spilled.

"I said I would stay… even… even if you became… a demon, InuYasha," she whispered and he stared at the red coating her teeth and trickling out of her mouth. "I'm… sorry that… I was unable to…" The light faded from her eyes and his claws dug into her shoulders, willing her to blink away the film that was robbing them of their color. Her lungs rattled and the blood from inside flowed out of her mouth and landed on his arms. It was too much and he dropped her to spin around and throw up.

He remembered Miroku screaming for Sango as he took her away from him forever. His eyes, filled with pain as he turned to InuYasha and screamed 'Why?' Shippo had been right there, trembling in terror and InuYasha had turned to him, drawing in the scent of fear like a perfume. 'Osuwari' had fallen from Kagome's lips and the necklace had lit and pulled at him, but he was too strong for it. It broke itself off of him and he shredded Shippo, heedless of the young screams of the kit issuing forth on the evening air.

Miroku had run at him, screaming his name and InuYasha had ripped his life away so quickly that he barely noticed it before turning on Kagome. She watched him come for her, locking eyes with him, tears running down her face. He hated the sight of her tears and he rushed forward, intent on tearing them from her skin. She hadn't even held up a hand to defend herself. Kirara jumped in, managing to take a bite out of his arm, but he ripped her into tiny pieces and landed in front of Kagome. She just _let_ him kill her, even after watching how brutally he tore apart their friends.

The first time his hands had held her flesh and he used it to pull it apart. He was about to peel the eyes from her face when he came back to himself and met them with his own. Everything from there on tore through his memory again and he felt a scream bubble up in his throat.

A strong hand wrapped around his upper arm and dragged him to his feet, away from the carnage. InuYasha couldn't fight and just stumbled along behind Sesshomaru as he dragged him into the forest, where he could no longer see what he had done to the people who trusted and loved him. Love… InuYasha jerked his arm out of Sesshomaru's grip, falling away from him and slashed out with his other hand. His brother moved before it impacted and watched him warily.

"They _trusted _me!" InuYasha screamed. "They loved me!"

"I warned you," Sesshomaru said. "This is what comes of loving humans."

"No!" InuYasha yelled back. "You haven't killed that kid! My father didn't kill my mother!"

"You are only a hanyo," Sesshomaru said quietly. "You cannot handle the youkai blood in your veins. It overpowers you and it has consumed you, at last."

"If that's so, then why do I still have my heart?" InuYasha cried out. Sesshomaru drew Toukijin and held it up.

"Look at yourself," he commanded. InuYasha stepped forward and gazed at his reflection in the sword. His first impression was that his eyes were crimson with blood, but then he realized—that was their color now. His eyes were no longer a mirror for his brother's. Violet stripes tore across his cheeks and his fangs were longer than his mouth could contain. He closed his eyes and turned away.

"Why do I look like that?" InuYasha hissed. "I still _feel _like a hanyo…"

"Did you feel like yourself as you freed your people of their lives? Did you weep as you tore their flesh?"

"Damn you to hell!" InuYasha screamed, striking out at Sesshomaru, who deflected the blow without effort. He kicked InuYasha's legs out from under him, bringing his brother to his knees.

"What did you feel, InuYasha?" Sesshomaru asked coldly. When the boy didn't answer, he kicked him. InuYasha fell on his side and stared up at him in horror.

"I… liked it," InuYasha answered. "I wanted to bathe in their blood." Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed.

"You are disgusting," he said, but knelt next to his brother. "Just a sick, filthy hanyo." InuYasha started to argue, but since he was thinking the same thing, he let it go. Sesshomaru was right. He had always been right about him. He started to look away and Sesshomaru slapped him. He stared up at his brother in confusion.

"Why did you hit me?" he asked.

"It's what you want, isn't it? You are lying there, thinking that I am right. Wallowing in self-pity."

"Are you saying you're wrong?" InuYasha whispered. "That I'm not sick and disgusting?"

"You are what you make yourself," Sesshomaru responded.

"That's not an answer!" InuYasha yelled, getting angry. Sesshomaru smiled and the anger drained away. InuYasha looked away from Sesshomaru's face to Tenseiga at his hip. "Bring them back," he said, staring at the sword.

"To what effect?" Sesshomaru asked. "So that you can kill them again? Perhaps if you are careful, I could bring them back and you could get off on killing them, over and over." InuYasha lashed out this time and Sesshomaru grabbed his arm in mid-swing. "The damage you have done cannot be erased. If I bring them back, do you truly believe they will not hate you?"

"I don't care if they hate me!" InuYasha hissed. "I'd rather they were alive and hating me than dead by my hands!" Sesshomaru was quiet a while, but he didn't release InuYasha's wrist.

"The monk and the slayer."

"What?"

"I cannot bring back the kit, twin tail or Kagome. You didn't leave enough of them to resurrect. Even Tenseiga has its limits as to what it can do. It can heal a death blow, but it cannot put the pieces back together. The monk and the taijiya merely had throat and chest ripped out, respectively. That, I can heal." InuYasha stared into Sesshomaru's eyes and saw the truth there.

"Whoever you can bring back, do it."

"You presume to give me orders?" Sesshomaru asked.

"No," InuYasha said, and then pulled his arm free. He crawled onto his knees and stared Sesshomaru in the eyes. "I'm begging you." He laid his forehead on his hands in the dirt, bowing down in a way that he never had in his life. "Please… brother." Sesshomaru grabbed him by the hair and pulled him up, standing. InuYasha stared at him in confusion as he was yanked to his feet. Sesshomaru released his hair and decked him. InuYasha tasted blood, then earth as he impacted it.

"Don't you _ever _bow down like that again," Sesshomaru hissed. "Even to me. It shames our bloodline almost as much as your existence." InuYasha wiped his mouth and spun on his brother.

"What the hell? You've told me to face you on my knees countless times!" he protested.

"And had you, I would have killed you," Sesshomaru responded. "I have only allowed you to live because of the spirit you have shown, even against me."

"'Allowed' me to live? You've tried to kill me—"

"Had I wanted you dead, InuYasha, you would be dead. There have been many times when I could have killed you and stayed my hand."

"Why?" InuYasha asked, mystified.

"You are my brother. I… care for you." Sesshomaru looked away as though the confession pained him. InuYasha didn't know what to say. He stood there, musing over what he had been told for a while. Sesshomaru had turned his back to him entirely. Finally, InuYasha made up his mind and closed the distance between them. Sesshomaru turned just as he reached him, obviously ready to strike, but InuYasha had no intention of fighting him. He stepped in close and wrapped his arms around his brother's armor, laying his cheek against his shoulder. Sesshomaru was stiff and unresponsive, but InuYasha craved any form of forgiveness and the confession he had been offered was such a thing.

"Forgive me," InuYasha whispered, holding him tightly.

"I forgive no one," Sesshomaru answered.

"Forgive _me_," InuYasha pleaded. Sesshomaru's hand moved up to cup InuYasha's chin, tilting his head back. Their eyes met for a while, then Sesshomaru leaned in and kissed InuYasha on the lips. The hanyo sputtered and broke the embrace, wiping his mouth. "What the hell? You're my brother! What are you doing?" InuYasha yelled. Sesshomaru stepped forward quickly, catching InuYasha by the hair and pulled him back, kissing him again.

"Forgiving you," he answered, letting InuYasha break free. The hanyo froze a few paces away and met Sesshomaru's gaze. Tentatively, he stepped forward, shaking with fear and a little excitement. He approached the taiyoukai shyly, and then moved quickly up to meet his lips again. He pulled back a little and licked his tongue across Sesshomaru's lips, begging him like a canine. Sesshomaru looked down at him and InuYasha tilted his head back, offering his throat in submission. Sesshomaru's mouth moved to it and pressed gently against it in acceptance.

The youkai's tongue shot out and licked a gentle trail from throat to jaw. InuYasha went to his toes, arching into Sesshomaru's mouth. Sesshomaru pressed back, taking the mouth offered to him and tasting it, exploring it thoroughly. He could feel InuYasha's pain and desperation through the contact and he fed on that as well. His brother needed him, urgently and he couldn't just stand by and watch him, doing nothing. He had done enough of that through the hanyo's life.

InuYasha didn't know what he was doing or why, but he felt the anguish leaving him with every touch, every press of lips he shared with Sesshomaru. He clawed into his brother's shoulders, trying to get closer, trying to leave it all behind. Sesshomaru broke the kiss and shoved him back. InuYasha stumbled and landed on his butt, suddenly terrified Sesshomaru was going to reject him, yet again.

"Don't leave me," InuYasha begged. Sesshomaru didn't say anything as he looked down on the despairing boy at his feet. He shrugged off the heavy fur at his shoulder, letting it fall to the ground silently. InuYasha's eyes widened, then he followed by dropping his fire rat haori alongside his brother's now torn garments. He stripped down to his hakama and froze, unable to make another move. '_What am I doing? This is my **brother**_,' he thought. Then there was skin against his own and the doubt was gone, lost in the comfort of Sesshomaru's warm flesh where it heated his own cold body.

His heart raced, trying to push past bone and flesh to reach the other it could hear, pressed to the other side of his chest. He apologized, with his mouth and hands, to the arm he had severed, never imagining the regret it would fill him with later. He felt a hot mouth pressed against his chest, a soft tongue sliding along the most sensitive skin there and he pushed down to taste the salt on Sesshomaru's neck. The forest filled with heavy breaths and pounding hearts, forgetting the cries of pain for pleasure as the atmosphere heated around their entwining bodies.

The final remnants of clothing fell away and InuYasha felt Sesshomaru against him, friction building between their bodies. He was pulled tightly against his brother's chest and he held him back, moving against him, seeking an escape from his desperation, finding it pressed tight in his embrace. The ever-heating air made their skin slick as they moved together, finding absolution in one another. Every mistake they had made was washed away in hot breath against skin, soft ears under tongues, stripe against stripe and building tension, striving for release.

InuYasha found his the moment Sesshomaru entered him and he cried out into the thick evening. Every thrust into his body was a comfort, an apology and approval. InuYasha buried his face into Sesshomaru's neck, breathing deep his scent and found peace. When Sesshomaru cried out above him, InuYasha relaxed and laid his head on the forest floor, sighing when Sesshomaru lie next to him.

"Thank you," he whispered. He turned his head to meet Sesshomaru's eyes, knowing there was a peace in his own that had never been there before. He felt wanted, accepted… forgiven. Now he had only one last request and it was one he didn't doubt Sesshomaru would fulfill. "Now kill me." There was no emotion in the amber eyes above him and Sesshomaru didn't look away. InuYasha felt his brother's hand touch his throat.

"There is nothing I can do or say?"

"You can't save me," InuYasha said. "It's gone too far for that. End it." Sesshomaru leaned in and kissed InuYasha one last time, watching the red eyes close before his own and jerked his hand across the hanyo's soft throat. He held his brother's head against his chest as he sat up, gazing down on the peaceful expression for a few moments before lying it next to the body he had just made love to. Many would have seen it as a failure—he had given everything of himself to InuYasha and still lost him in the end. But it was a hollow victory. He lost, yes, but what he gave to his brother was more important than keeping him alive.

InuYasha was dead the moment he lost himself to the demon. Sesshomaru had known that, deep inside. He had tried to get there in time, but he had been too slow. The blood was spilt before he could stop it. The damage was done. But he had apologized, he had let his brother know he loved him and InuYasha had accepted it, had loved him back. All the darkness of their past was cleared and his heart was lighter now. InuYasha had been a mistake from the beginning and now he was gone. Sesshomaru was not happy, by any means, but he was satisfied.

In that last moment, before he had taken his life, InuYasha's eyes were golden, once more.

_**The End.**_


End file.
